(I wrote this article some years ago and have had fun realizing that now it seems even more true to me than it did back then)
You know the mind is at once an amazing and complicated thing.
Thank heavens we don't remember everything, but once in a while in your adult life you are surprised by a memory that occurred so long ago that you had forgotten about it. Things just seem to "sneak up" on you.
Such a thing occurred to me a short while ago while sewing up a laceration in my office.
I had just finished and was closely looking to see if everything had been aligned correctly when my nurse spoke to me. Looking up, I could see my own hands up very close.
Instantaneously I had a flashback to a time when as a child I was in my own pediatrician's office and saw his hands up close. (While he was giving me a shot)
From a child's perspective I remember his hands looking very wrinkled and old, and now my hands seem to look just the same!
It seems that when you are close to something you do not notice the change. Grandparents exclaim, "My he's grown a foot," and you realize "yes, indeed he has."
Pediatricians are in a position to regularly point out changes to parents -- sometimes in a very sensitive area. Let me point out a few:
A while back a mother of a fourteen-year-old boy brought him in with concerns of sexual problems.
She knew that he was maturing. But she was concerned that he had something that might be a problem because he kept "touching himself."
Both her and his dad had noticed it; and, although neither had spoken about it to the boy, it seemed like it was getting worse. They wanted me to find out what was wrong for them.
I examined the boy and very sensitively, yet straightforwardly, asked questions concerning all aspects of maturational development.
Using that approach, I found that he very matter-of-factly and without embarrassment, answered all the questions.
I found no problem with gender identification or maturational development. He had a normal physical examination without evidence of irritation from a hygiene problem or other causes.
Well what then was the cause? He was wearing underwear that was three-year's-ago size and much, much too small!
As I explained the problem to his mother, I don't know how to describe her reaction. She was accepting and relieved, but extremely embarrassed and seemed to take it very personally.
I don't often find shorts that are so small they cause this amount of concern; but, it is not infrequently that I notice it.
Other things can also be overlooked because the parent is so close to the situation. For example:
Approximately 10 percent of children still wet the bed when they start first grade.
If this has been a regular occurrence, the family, and especially the child, will not notice the odor of urine.
The nice thing is that if the child changes his clothes and bathes regularly in the morning, the odor is not present and then he won't be teased at school.
Before a parent may realize it, a child may become overweight. When a physician mentions it, occasionally the parent becomes extremely uneasy and defensive, indicating they really don't know how it happened because the "child doesn't eat."
Upon careful thought, however, the child may be found to be eating three or four meals himself, sampling some of his mother's meals and then again having a portion of his father's meals when he returns from work.
Without realizing it, the child could be eating eight to ten times a day!
And then there's the baby with ear infections who isn't off the bottle by 12 months; and the child with early dental malocclusion because of still being on a "binky" after 15 months.
Another area is personal hygiene. I've had teachers tell me that some children have actually lost friends and become loners because they "stink".
Sometimes the best thing a caring teacher or physician can do would be to point out that good hygiene requires bathing four to seven times a week for children; and, for teens and adults, every day with the use of deodorants.
I'll never forget an incident a teacher friend of mine pointed out about two sisters who went to her school.
The younger sister who had a speech impediment was in her class. During the year she noticed this child to always be dressed very ordinarily.
However, her older sister, who was in a different class, was always found to be dressed in bright, pretty colors. Her hair was long and blonde and needed a lot of attention.
When the teacher tactfully talked to the mother about this difference during a parent/teacher conference, the mother began weeping and indicated that she had not really desired the last child. She said, however, that she had no conscious idea that she was treating them so differently.
To her credit, the mother took the observations very well and actually changed the way she treated the second child.
When the younger child began dressing more brightly, it was also noticed that her speech impediments began markedly improving.
Sometimes some of the most basic things can be so close to us that we fail to notice them.
Think about how you respond when your physician points out things that may be a little embarrassing.
Especially in the case of the teacher that I've mentioned, it takes someone who cares a great deal to point these things out, especially when the doctor or teacher may be afraid that it might be received wrong.
Now, be sure and check the index (menu bars above) for: other related articles on this topic: or, recently answered questions, which are sometimes more specific.