Some baseball seasons past I followed the little league "career" of a neighborhood youngster by attending almost all of his games.
As I became familiar with his style of play, his teammates, and coaches I became fond of him and I found myself excited when his team yon, saddened when they lost, but overall anxious to see that he gained from every game.
The team found themselves in the season playoff and won their first game handily on their home field. They lost the second on the other teams field.
The win was taken quite graciously but the loss was devastating for both the players and the fans (parents).
Although they were winning, half way into the game someone became quite upset about a possible infraction of the other teams' pitcher's glove.
After pointing out the infraction to the coach, and subsequently to the umps, the whole tone of the game changes.
As a non-committed, but interested observer I watched tension mount, anger flare, cheering become malicious, coaches become angry and little leaguers become anxious and distressed.
As usually happens when a child becomes anxious the players began making mistakes; and, with all the hostility in the air, the umpires didn't do too good of a job either.
WHAT ON EARTH HAD HAPPENED?! Loving, sensible parents, children out to have fun, and umpires out to honestly do a good job were very literally filled with hate, anger and resentment.
Child psychologist, Dr. Terry Orlick has written "children's sports have often resulted in excessive competition, exploitation, frustration, destructive aggression, distress, feelings of failure, restricted participation and outright rejection. Competition is aimed at proving ones superiority over something, or someone, rather than upon the improvement of our physical, social and psychological state of being."
I watched and ex-pro, turned school football coach, grab a player by the face mask and jerk his neck mercilessly in an apparent fit or anger over the boy missing a block.
"Uptight children are being raised by uptight parents who even direct the children's' recreational activities into uptight games," wrote one author.
Historically we have all looked toward professional ball teams for an example. However, they now play a brand of ball devoid of the friendly rivalry of times past ... they play for blood!
Can you picture any of them kneeling prior to a game and voicing anything like Berton Brayley's "Prayer of a Sportsman"? "If I should lose, let me stand by the road and cheer as the winners go by!"
Could it be that we are in such a hurry to emulate the "pros" that we entirely lose track of the fact that we are de4aling with the lives of children?
In his anxiety my little league baseball player friend, I was telling you about, was overwhelmed with the feeling that he and his teammates had done something wrong.
"We just kept making mistakes, we couldn't do anything right" he said, near tears.
My hear ached over what this game had done to this boy and we pulled the car off at the rest stop to talk about it.
Author Jack Griffin writes "there is not evil, of course, in winning. There is great value in competition, if the values are properly scaled. In demanding only victory we are unable to live with defeat which can be crushing and even leave a terrible scar."
I was in an interesting dilemma a while back. I stood on the lines next to the father of one of my patients, who knew quite well.
I heard him tell his son "stick him, hurt him and he will be easier to block."
As if that aggression wasn't enough, I looked up to find that the boy he was blocking was also a patient of mine!
I pondered for awhile about what to do and then said, clearly enough to be heard by his son "like you son, that other boy is a patient of mine, and I prefer not to have him hurt!"
He didn't want his son hurt but it was alright if someone else's son was. He glared at me, but then smiled as he realized the implication of what he had said. "OK, just play your best" he told his son.
We should all realize the real perspective: it is not what the child does to the ball that counts but what the ball does to the child. The game must never be allowed to become more important than the player.
All children need to win more than trophies and hollow, fleeting accolades; rather somehow winning self-confidence and self respect from having "done my best." The scoreboard be hanged.
Some of the best gifts to give children are the skills of loosing without bitterness and wining with grace and compassion.
Wouldn't we all be better off if we lived by the motto: If I can't win without hurting someone, I won't play.
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The American Academy of Pediatrics offers the following items for parents to consider when enrolling their children in organized sports.
-- Be sure your child is ready for an organized sports program both physically and maturationally.
-- Weigh the time spent on sports against that for other important activities.
-- Know how many months and hours your child will be involved in practices, games and tournaments.
-- Find out who will be your child's coaches. Get to know them, their qualifications and goals.
-- Know the health and safety policies of the program.
-- Know that children are appropriately matched for maturity, size and skill.
-- know that each player on the team gets to play.
-- Plan on how you will behave when your child looses a game, is a "bench warmer," or wants to quit.
-- Plan on attending most games.
-- Be ready for the expense of uniform, fees and transportation.
-- Observe how other parents, coaches and spectators behave in front of children.
-- Consider what your child's participation will mean for your family's meal time, vacation time and weekends.
If you have concerns over any of the above considerations, politely discuss them with the coach and/or league director.
This is adapted from Nathan J. Smith, M.D., "Medical Issues and Sports Medicine" in Pediatrics in Review, Feb 1981.
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